Welcome to the grindset gospel, where waking up at 4 a.m. to journal about passive income is considered self-care. This is where Crypto meets Clout — a lawless zone of DM pitch decks, borrowed Lambos, and investment advice from guys who haven’t paid taxes since high school.
The crypto influencer doesn’t sell coins. He sells confidence. And courses. And eBooks. And once, a protein powder called “Decentralized Gains.”
“I turned $1,000 into $47k in 3 weeks. Here’s how you can do it too. (Just click the link in my bio, bro.)”
He’s not a financial advisor — but he *is* giving a keynote at a hotel near the airport.
Crypto Clout Starter Pack:
- Instagram bio says “Investor. Speaker. 8-Figure Mindset.”
- Wears an expensive watch he cannot spell
- Refers to anything that goes wrong as “FUD” (Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt)
- Once sold NFTs of his own face (they didn’t sell)
- Has a Telegram group called “Elite Hustle Signals” with 23 members — all him
It’s not a scam, bro. It’s just the future.
One that’s conveniently always just one webinar away.
So whether you’re still HODLing or just here for the chaos, remember: in the world of crypto influencers, everything is volatile — especially their grip on reality.