This week’s flex is brought to you by @alchemysavannah, who described her Monday as “energetically violent” after a troll had the audacity to ask if she had a license for her trauma coaching business.
But she didn’t spiral. Instead, she posted a story from an infrared sauna in Sedona, captioned “transmuting the hate with sweat and intention.”
“I’m no longer available for misaligned comments. My soul deserves to be met with reverence, or not at all.”
— @alchemysavannah, moments before blocking 47 people and uploading a $444 course bundle
Later in the week, she announced her newest offering: a 4-hour “Vibrational Audit” where she sits in silence while staring directly at your Instagram feed, then sends a one-sentence summary of why you repel abundance.
🔥 Key Flex Metrics:
- 💸 New service price: $1,111 (or 3 payments of $444.40)
- 📈 Vibe alignment: immaculate
- 🚫 Refunds offered: spiritually, but not financially
- 🧿 Emotional labor surcharge: applied retroactively
We’re not saying her healing journey is toxic. But we did get charged $17 for clicking her linktree.